


Scorched

by Vampiricalthorns



Series: Garden of Flames [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Panic Attacks, They're not actually dating but hey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 06:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17483264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampiricalthorns/pseuds/Vampiricalthorns
Summary: “You need to stop running headfirst into every slightly dangerous situation you find yourself in, Fullmetal,” Roy Mustang snaps, looking up from the messily written report he had just been handed by a rather beaten-up Edward Elric.“Well, I’m sorry but he was in the process of cutting up a little girl and I couldn’t just let her die, now could I?”Roy stares at him, realising exactly how sorry Edisn’t.-Roy doesn’t want to look at Ed; doesn’t want to see how the entire left side of his face has turned to ugly, mixed shades of purple, blue and green.





	Scorched

**Author's Note:**

> This is all _very raw_ and was written while I was in the middle of a not-great-mindset. It's barely edited at all to keep the emotions which means that there are probably horrible grammar mistakes that me or **aluinihi** did not pick up during the minimal editing.
> 
> I am so sorry if this makes you feel emotional.
> 
> Trigger warnings: mentions of death, injuries and panic attacks.

“You need to stop running headfirst into every slightly dangerous situation you find yourself in, Fullmetal,” Roy Mustang snaps, looking up from the messily written report he had just been handed by a rather beaten-up Edward Elric.

“Well, I’m _sorry_ but he was in the process of cutting up a little girl and I couldn’t just let her die, now could I?”

Roy stares at him, realising exactly how sorry Ed _isn’t_. “That’s true. You are of the opinion that if you waited five minutes for the backup team that was right at your tail, it would have been too late?”

“Yes! I don’t want to let more people die just because I was too slow at realising what was going on. I don’t want more Nina’s,” Ed mutters without meeting Roy’s eyes. For some reason, that makes Roy more comfortable in this situation. It’s supposed to be cold and clinical, not laden with emotions. He is Ed’s superior officer. No feelings belong in the office. “It should rather have been me that suffered. Not that little girl. She had no way of defending herself.”

Roy pinches the bridge of his nose, wanting nothing more to just make Ed _go away_ and for the younger man to grow a brain and a sense of self-preservation. “Fine. I see your point, but in the future, try to avoid getting all bruised up by being reckless, would you? Dismissed.”

*

It only takes two weeks, a new assignment to investigate a rogue alchemist and a small hospital stay for Roy to again have an even more battered up and bruised alchemist in front of him. This time, however, he doesn’t just let it go with a ‘kay you seem fine, you’re good to go’.

“Edward Elric. Do you remember what I told you _two_ weeks ago? To _stop running headfirst into battle when you know it’s not safe_.”

Roy doesn’t want to look at Ed; doesn’t want to see how the entire left side of his face has turned to ugly, mixed shades of purple, blue and green.

“This time, no one was in immediate danger of being hurt, but still you managed to get yourself kidnapped and severely injured. You cannot continue to do this, Edward. No matter how invincible you think you might be, Ed, you’re not. You’re human. You get hurt like the rest of us. You bleed like the rest of us. You’re just as likely to die as anybody else, but you’re only making that horrible scenario more likely the more reckless you are.”

“I know.”

Ed’s voice is quiet, and Roy looks up from his folded hands. He meets Ed’s unwavering, golden gaze. _Sees_ how broken his eyes are, like shattered mirrors. Roy’s heart clenches and he wants to look away because that look hurts him deep inside where nothing else really hits. But before he gets to it, Ed breaks the eye contact.

“If you can’t wait for backup and avoid getting hurt, I cannot let you go out on your own missions anymore, Fullmetal. Having you put in the hospital every other week simply is not worth it. You’re an adult now, Edward, and you need to start taking some responsibility for your life-”

He cuts himself off as he notices the sunlight reflecting in the tears glimmering on Ed’s cheek and startles. “Fullmetal?”

The tear is wiped away almost before the word is out of his mouth and Ed looks at him as if trying to convince Roy that there was nothing there in the first place. But the calm mask Ed tries to keep up is so fragile and Roy sees it- sees the first crack in the ice. Then the second. The third.

And then, it shatters.

He’s halfway out of his chair before Ed draws in a rattling breath that signals to the fact that the floodgates have opened. A second later, Fullmetal’s on his knees, drawing in shallow breath after shallow breath while gripping at his hair and pulling so tightly that Roy’s own scalp stings in sympathy.

“Edward?”

It’s a panic attack, no doubt about it, and with the intensity Ed’s been swept away with, Roy realises that it’s probably been building up under the surface for a considerable amount of time. _Of course, he’s never really completely alone and there’s no way he would break down like this in front of Alphonse._

He kneels in front of Ed but he doesn’t touch- because when he’s like this, a human touch burns like the flames he conjures in moments of need. What does it feel like for Ed? Would it scorch him as the desert skin did on Roy’s fair skin? He wonders briefly about it before mentally shaking the thought from his brain.

The sobs Ed grounds out between gasps and whimpers are heart-breaking, and Roy doesn’t know how to help. He’s seen soldiers like this before- in Ishval, where they were the norm for everyone.

The door opens and he sends a dangerous look towards it, where Hawkeye is standing with another cup of coffee for him. He mouths, ‘ _panic attack, I’ve got it’_ , at her, and she nods briefly before closing the door again, leaving the cup of coffee on the floor by the wall.

Roy turns his attention back to the young man pouring his heart out on his gloves in front of him. “Edward? I need you to listen to me. You’re having a panic attack, and that’s okay. You just need to breathe and then you’ll feel better, okay?”

Ed doesn’t give any signs that he’s heard Roy, which he finds understandable. Roy feels stuck- had they been out of the office, he wouldn’t have hesitated to pull Ed’s hands away from his hair, to stop him pulling out that beautiful, honey-coloured hair, but they’re at _work_. And it’s not like they’re friends, but-

_Fuck it._

Grazing back at the thought he had about a burning touch, Roy pulls off his gloves and then proceeds to peel off Ed’s own gloves because by now they’re soaked through with salty tears. Besides, his own gloves are white; impersonal, and impersonality has no place when trying to calm someone down. There’s no space for cold, clinical procedures when it comes to deep emotions.

“Edward, you’ll be okay. You just need to breathe, okay?”

He’s pouring all his emotions into those words, and it must show and pierce through the panicky haze Ed’s stuck in because the younger boy looks up at him with that _broken_ expression before reaching his arms out with a silent question.

Like he wants a hug.

Roy’s momentarily thrown back to his first night in Ishval- after killing all those people. He’d thrown up multiple times just thinking about it before proceeding to run into his and Maes’ tent. The tears had started falling uncontrollably down onto the pale desert sand and it felt like some of the very same sand had been stuck in his throat because he couldn’t’ breathe and he was dizzy and _oh god how could he have killed all those innocent children that just happened to be in school at that very moment in time and-_

And suddenly Maes had been there, in front of him, pulling him into the tightest hug Roy had ever received and even though the touch burnt, he could feel his friend’s pulse beating steadily in his chest. And though it felt like he was being scorched; like he had been hit with his own flame attack, the core of the heat was the right temperature; perfect; comforting in its own right. And maybe _that_ was why his fire was so terrifying, but also so comforting. Were humans attracted to it because it reminded them of other humans close to them? Of friendship? Of love?

And then he’s pulled back into the present, with a broken soldier in front of him, _looking_ at him like the world has started crashing and burning around him and Roy’s heart clenches again and he leans forward and wraps his arms around Ed, closing his eyes as Ed hugs his back.

“You’re safe here, Ed. Just breathe. Take your time. You’ll be okay.”

He still doesn’t know what set Ed’s panic off in the first place, but he has a few fair guesses. Maybe it had been the stress of the mission finally taking its toll on the young alchemist; maybe something had happened with Al or Winry; maybe it was because _Roy_ had yelled at him for being reckless?

Roy’s not sure how much time passes before the sobs Edward lets out pales into hiccups and occasional gasps before he slumps towards the older man. He’s probably exhausted himself- panic attacks are strenuous, and Roy knows that fact only too well.

He mutters quietly to Ed that if he’s ready, then Roy will help him up and they will walk over to the couch so that Ed can sit there instead. He gets a faint sound that probably expresses approval, so Roy gently hoists Ed up from the floor and leads him over to the sofa. Ed collapses onto it and curls up like a small child.

“Do you need anything to drink? Can I get you some water?” Roy offers gently as he looks at the shaking pile known as ‘Ed’. He grabs a blanket from under the coffee table (cold winter days when the fire goes out too early plus taking naps in his lunch break has taught Roy something) and gently spreads it over Ed, who grips onto it like it’s a lifeline. He nods softly and Roy sighs, crouching down next to him.

“What would you like?”

Ed looks away from Roy, no doubt feeling awkward about this entire thing, but he’s pale and doesn’t look good in the slightest. Roy has to remind himself that Ed no longer is the angry, volatile 12-year-old he had seen complete the state alchemist exam, but rather a calmer, though still intense 19-year-old who has seen too much. But at this moment he looks young; innocent.

Roy sighs again and closes his eyes for a moment, trying to compose himself. “I think Hawkeye saw hot chocolate in the mess hall earlier this week. I can try to get you some of that if you’d like?”

Ed nods weakly. “No milk?”

“No milk,” Roy confirms before standing up. “Would you like me to ask Hawkeye to stay in here with you while I go get it or do you think you will be okay on your own?”

Ed doesn’t respond, and Roy doesn’t know exactly what to do because he doesn’t want Ed to be alone if he was the one in charge, but if Ed wants to be alone for a moment-

“I think I’ll be okay.”

Roy nods and looks over Ed one more time before leaving the room, gently closing the door behind him. He indicates to Riza, who immediately stands up and walks over to him, looking as professional as ever. Her eyes, however, tell a different tale.

“Your shoulder is wet, sir,” she says. “I don’t think it’s fitting if you were to leave the office looking like that, but then again, not wearing the jacket…”

She trails off as Roy unbuttons it, takes it off and folds it before placing it on Ed’s vacant desk. “I can excuse it on being warm in the office if anyone asks. Besides, it’s not like the other personnel don’t remove their jackets if they have the opportunity to.”

He pauses before lowering his voice. “I want to you to keep an extra eye on my office. Don’t go in there- Fullmetal’s laying on one of the couches. He had a panic attack and I would feel considerably better if I knew he was under at least a small amount of supervision.”

“Of course, sir. Where will you be headed?”

“The mess hall. I need to retrieve something from there. It shouldn’t take long.”

He leaves, but it’s as if his brain has stayed behind as he goes to retrieve the hot chocolate. Since it’s Friday, the mess hall also seems to have mini marshmallows (something he could swear he’s _never_ seen before- not that he really ventures away from his best friend the ‘coffee machine’ -but it’s a fact that is nice to know if he ever has to go on a hot drink run for Fullmetal again.)

As he stirs the powder into the hot water, Roy can’t help but let his mind wander again.

He has long ago concluded that his feelings for the younger alchemist were anything but strictly platonic and professional. No, images of Ed keep flickering through his mind at night, or during the day when he just _doesn’t_ want to read and sign another report.

He’s beautiful. Truly _gorgeous_. And Roy doesn’t know how exactly to deal with that, because he has to remain professional, even though his feelings might not be. Maybe if he doesn’t think about it too much, they will go away.

Realistically, though, while he walks back through the plain and long corridors of Central Command carrying the hot chocolate (with plenty of the small marshmallows), he knows that the feelings blooming in his chest likely won’t rest and wither away with time. And as he opens the door to his office and sees Ed fast asleep with a small smile gracing his lips under the blanket, Roy realises that, maybe, just _maybe_ , that’s okay.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at tumblr @vampiricalthorns if you want to talk!


End file.
